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  • Elise Deygers

The sudden realization of a finite life turning into living a conscious life

Making life choices & peeling onions, that’s what I talked about last week. Did you notice any planted seeds yet since you started reading these emails? Maybe there are some ideas brewing in that lovely head of yours? I really do hope so, because life is too beautiful to count down the days to the weekend, to your next vacation or even your retirement.


That feeling of not counting down to the next exciting thing, but just living an exciting life every single day… It’s a choice I made 5 years ago and I’ve been loving the whole process since. I have been taking you with me on that journey, and I’ll take you through the next kind of painful but also powerful bit later on in this document. So, stay tuned!

But first I want to talk about this: on Wednesday the 7th of April my big dream became more visual & more real than ever. Since then, the website of my coaching business ventuur.net is online (where you actually found this blog - woohoow!), and since that day (3 days later) my calendar has been filling up with coaching & contact appointments. And wow, that makes me so content & grateful & happy. Your trust & support & kind words, it just fills my heart with so much warmth & love & joy. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

So, with that big wave of gratitude out of the way, it’s time to continue the story of my journey towards the creation of Ventuur.


I talked about this big gut feeling guiding me when making drastic life decisions, and that’s something I can clearly link to one big life altering and honestly quite painful & sad but powerful experience. About 12 years ago, my life (and also my sister’s, my brother’s & my mom’s) changed quite drastically and painfully when our dad died. We went from being a cozy family group of 5, to having a guardian angel dad on the other side guiding us, at that time without us really realizing it, into the right direction.


Oh dear, the vibe of the email just turned around drastically too, didn’t it?

Did you feel it too?


My apologies for that though, but I feel like I really need to throw it out there. It brought me to where I am today, because my guardian angel dad has since then been hiding in my back pocket hinting me to where my spot on earth exactly is.


But, that vibe changing whenever the word comes out, that has been happening for years now every single time. I never really had a hard time talking about his death, him being sick, all the feelings we felt & how it impacted our lives. Of course it did make me emotional quite often talking about it, but I don’t think that part scared me as much.


What I often dreaded when meeting new people, is that at some point I kind of would have to tell them about the loss we went through. And then, so often, the atmosphere changed into awkward and often pity vibes very quickly. Because yes, of course it was a painful experience that changed me in very many ways, but most people don’t really know how to react and it just feels like such a big taboo to talk about death. As often, it would happen too that I would brace myself big time to actually throw the news out there, to then be positively surprised by the amount of empathy in combination with acceptance and curiosity from the other side, that I would always remember for a long time after.


But that bit, of throwing the news out there, I dread the most. That it’s, so often - not always, such a taboo to talk about mourning, death & sadness. We all go through it at some point in our lives, right? I was only 15 years old when that happened, my dad’s funeral was the first one I ever went to, so I literally had no idea what was happening.

And I noticed that a lot of people around me had no idea how to respond & talk to me in a way that actually helped us out when mourning.


And because of that, I kind of found it really important to change that around for myself. So whenever someone was grieving because they just lost someone, I could actually feel what they were going through and help them better in their grief. The way you feel & deal with loss & mourning is different for everyone, and what’s helpful for one person will just be utterly annoying or frustrating for the other one. But at least I now know that it’s always better to actually talk about it and recognize the hurt & sadness the person is going through.


And through that dark moment of loss, I know you will find strength at some point, if you feel supported, loved and hurt.


That’s what happened for me at least, and I know it’s inside of you too. I discovered a strength I didn’t know I had because all of a sudden I realized life is finite.


Sounds like a big cliché, yes. But it’s true, isn’t it? Death is part of life, it’s a sad & uncomfortable & dark part of life. But it’s there and it’s a fundamental part of being alive. So what do we do with this bit, instead of not talking about it and putting it away in a hidden box somewhere far away?


A while ago, I heard this approach to death: imagine, the Grim Reaper is standing at your door to tell you you have one more hour to live. What would you do with that last hour?

Most of us would live through that one hour with so much more awareness, doing stuff they love with people they love, having meaningful conversations and enjoying the wind rushing by their noses. And that way you’d make that last hour count - I think.


Or would you be begging to live your life just a little bit longer? The Grim Reaper/God/Allah/the Universe would love to hear you begging for that I’m sure. They had given you 365 more hours like that one in the past year, and many more of those years before that for you here on earth. What have you been doing with all those hours here on this planet?


Ever since I heard that view on death, I’ve started looking at death like a friend. Wow, let me add some context to this statement before I get a big storm over my head for saying stuff life that. The reason that we’re actually living with awareness and loving our life, is because we know at some point it will end. Imagine if we would all live eternally, there would be no deadline for anything we want to realize so we would just procrastinate until eternity. The fact that we will die at some point, makes us enjoy the present and choose more consciously what we do today and how we want to live our lives in our specific way. We live in the present, enjoying conversations as they are, trying to give love instead of expecting it from others, making your heart & soul sing as much as possible and live with this bigger goal in the back of our mind.


I know, it’s a cliché, but life really is finite, so you’d better make it worth your while, no? What would be worth your while exactly?


That’s this week’s advice for living your life a bit more conscious and happy. What is your non-negotiable? What is something you want to experience every single day? Is it love, gratitude, respect, growth, connection?


Think about it, maybe write it down & make it a daily goal. Don’t expect others to provide that daily goal for you (they might just do that once in a while by accident though), but you are the creator of your life. You choose how to live it in a way that’s worth your while. Do you really have no idea how or where to start? Send me a message, I would love to have an open conversation about it and maybe help you in your right direction.

For me, my life is worth my while when I can live in freedom. Free to make conscious choices every day about who’s around me and how I make my heart sing. That bigger goal, I always have it in the back of my mind and just by living consciously & enjoying the present, I’m taking action and feeling myself getting closer every day.


And that’s how, with my guardian angel dad, I started my journey 5 years ago. But that story is for the next post!


Enjoy your life, I’m looking forward to seeing you ‘carpe diem’ this week!

Lots of Love,

Elise




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